Haste Makes Waste...So SLOW DOWN!

Even a positive thinking person such as myself falls prey to Murphy's Law and the occasional snowballing of unfortunate instances.

This morning was fairly chaotic to say the least.

My usual routine involves making breakfast for the kids and getting them off to school. No problem, right?

Right.

USUALLY.

But have you ever noted that when you kind of slide out of bed and make your first series of mistakes, the mistakes just keep on coming!

This is NOT a coincidence! There really is something to the self fulfilling prophecies that are present in our lives. And we are usually to blame for them. All of us have shouted at some point "I am having an AWFUL day! It just keeps getting worse!" Yep.

Our ATTITUDE is to blame for most of this. A positive attitude might not always bring you good fortune in your day. But a negative attitude guarantees you will see faults and failure in everything.

For example, today I had a 15 minute span that was misfortune right out of a Charlie Chaplin movie. It had everything but staccato piano rifts in the background!

Again, I couldn't find the car keys. I looked EVERYWHERE!

Everywhere that is except the front door lock. I had turned the keys from the outside when I ran back inside and left them there. It was only a momentary distraction but enough of one for the memory of my keys to vanish from my crazy brain.

The key lesson here, no pun intended, is don't panic. Sometimes the keys are in the most obvious place--in the keyhole!

Ever notice how when you try to RUSH through traffic, you are almost guaranteeing that you won't make it on time?

You say things like "I can't be late! I can't miss this meeting!"

Well, guess what? Research suggests that our mind filters out the CAN'T part and only picks up on "Be late!" or "Miss this meeting!" It's true! We tend to focus on the things we DON'T want in life instead of the things we DO want! We say "I can't afford to be sick!" or "Don't break that vase!" Instead we should say "I am healthy and just getting healthier!" or "Be careful with that vase, OK?"

Haven't you noticed that you ALWAYS hit the red lights when you are in the biggest hurry? When you are calm and collected, the green lights come to you like excuses to a politician. They are everywhere!

Haste truly does make waste. It's not just a silly old saying that the older generations taught us. It's completely true.

So take a load off. Get to where you need to go today with a smile on your face. Ease up on the steering wheel AND yourself. Breathe.

And marvel at all the green lights!

Cereal Killers: Or Spencer's Nostalgic Moment #682

I must be getting old because I can't go a day without something making me nostalgic.

It could be a song or a sound or a smell. But it can instantly shoot me back to my childhood. And my childhood was a pretty happy place to be.

Recently as I pushed my shopping cart up and down the aisles of one of my favorite stores that will remain nameless (Target), I stopped and scanned the cereal aisle.

And yes, I became nostalgic. Right there in front of the discounted box of granola. It was pretty pathetic, I have to admit.

Remember the days when kiddie cereal had toys in them? I mean IN the boxes? The toys weren't fancy or expensive, but they were treasures to be mined at the bottom of a box of Frosted Flakes.

You can still get the toys, but now you have to send a zillion proofs of purchase and money. And they don't have the same charm as they used to.

Once in a while you still find a toy packaged in the cereal box, but incidents like the mercury-in-the-battery scare from a few years ago probably have scared most of the manufacturers off. Who wants to risk a lawsuit if a dopey child reaches in and swallows a decoder ring?

Who could forget the excitement of sticking your whole forearm into a freshly opened box of cereal? Remember when you pulled your arm out and it--and the toy--smelled like your favorite sugary delight?

Kids are missing out on so many things. The saddest part is that most of them don't even realize it. These simple joys don't seem to be enough for today's kids. They would rather play with something that takes 400 batteries. Or better yet, something that runs on rocket fuel.

And now if you'll excuse me. There is a bowl full of Smurf Berry Crunch waiting for me in the kitchen of my mind.

Excuses, Excuses

The first principle of success, as set forth by Jack Canfield and other pioneers of the motivational-living crowd, is to take full, 100% responsibility for everything that happens to you in life. From the friends you have to the money in your wallet. Everything happens as a result of decisions you have made in your life up to this point.

That is why it is so important to take TODAY by the horns and realize that what happens NOW will shape your TOMORROWS for years to come. And your life today is what you have made of it in years past.

But how can some people get to this moment of clarity when they will make excuses for the most heinous of actions?

Just when you think you have heard the "best" of the worst excuses, there's always another one to shock and dismay.

A 20-year-old man pleaded guilty last week to assaulting his girlfriend's 2-year-old boy. He admits kicking him out of the way and then squeezing his face. Can you IMAGINE this?

While your mind is still trying to process the horrors of this act, let's take a look at the EXCUSE this beast came up with.

He's not a morning person.

Don't laugh. That's what he told the judge. He's not a morning person.

The child had bleeding near the brain, and his perpetrator can only say he is not a morning person?

The judge ordered psychological evaluations for Juan Arreola. He could possibly get more than 20 years in prison for what he did.

It doesn't look like Juan is ready to get past that first principle of success, taking 100% responsibility for our lives.

If justice prevails, Juan Arreola will be a much older man before he ever gets the chance to lurk in society again.

That would be the best and boldest cup of reality for a non-morning person to gulp.

Help! My Baby Destroyed My Fun!!

The love of my life and I are eagerly waiting the birth of our precious baby girl. We can't wait to hold her for the first time and see with our own eyes the miracle we helped to create.

We are not the least bit concerned about what our daughter will do to our social life. Why would we care? Especially after 6 children between us?

Well, a new British study (aren't they all...when was the last good study out of Norway?) finds that 2/3 of mothers claim that having a baby all but destroyed their social life. The ladies studied also resent their partners for continuing to hang out with friends just as they had before the birth.

I am no expert. But after several children, I certainly have a few opinions and thoughts I will share with you.

Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. You will never look, feel, taste, smell, hear anything in the same way every again.

You will see that harmless lost Lego as a potential choking risk.

You will be awakened by the simplest change in the sounds of your child's breathing.

You will brave the thickest jungles of uncertainty after you survive your first messy diaper.

You will realize that a parental instinct will kick in (or SHOULD kick in) that would allow you to disembowel a 50 foot giant if any harm came upon your little one.

And yes, you will notice a change in your social life. No doubt about it. Things will never be quite the same again in terms of your "hanging out" lifestyle.

BUT...this is not a negative thing. So don't let it become one!

You learn that your child becomes the most important and special thing in your life. Those Tuesday bowling nights with the guys and your weekends of fun with the girls SHOULDN'T be as important to you after the miracle of a child!

You just adapt. I don't mean to be too harsh, but I think the women who are affected the most are the ones who can't get past the fact that they are not 16 year-old social magnets anymore. So what? Do you really WANT to be? That's fun when you are young and stupid, but come on! There comes a time when nursing your child to sleep should take the front seat to a fruity microbrew at the local pub.

You might notice that your single friends or friends without kids might slip out of the picture for a while. Maybe forever. It's sad when this happens, but the pressure should be on them to adapt to YOU, not the other way around. They shouldn't expect you to be able to take off on a minute's notice and head for the mountains. Life gets more complicated, but it's a GOOD kind of complication.

You might start hanging out with other new parents, too. The more, the merrier! There is nothing wrong with socializing with people who share such an important thing in common with you! Plus, this makes for a nice mutual support group (Did Janie get sick too today when she ate the fleas off of FiFi's back?).

So if you aren't ready for these radical life changes, you might want to reconsider having kids. They WILL change everything. No more movies whenever you want. No more fancy restaurants as often as you used to go to them. A night at the opera might be replaced with a day at the zoo. But so what? THE BARBER OF SEVILLE is awesome, but so is watching a gorilla stare you down and scratch its chin.

And there's always grandparents, friends, and neighbors who could make great baby-sitters when you find the urge to bowl with Len or sip a cold one with Vickie gets too overwhelming.

As for the guys bolting on the ladies and having fun as usual while their better halves stay home with the responsibility? That is inexcusable! Shame on the men who do this. It doesn't even occur to me to do this. I WANT to come home and have fun with my family.

Bowling can wait. And there are only so many fruity microbrews a guy can drink before people begin to talk.

So suck in your gut and realize you are a parent first and homecoming queen or kind second. Grow up! Life changes! You just had a BABY! Smile! Enjoy every beautiful moment of it!

And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go clean up some spilled fruit punch and pick up dirty Sponge Bob undies.

Have A Nice Day!

It's funny how the little things can really make your day.

As I dropped two of my boys off at school today, a young girl who was volunteering as "loop" monitor (any parent dreads the very idea of getting into this serpentine line of coffee deprived parents dropping and picking their kids up at school) told me to "Have a nice day, sir!" as she closed the car doors.

Wow! This simple little sentence combined with the smile of a happy 3rd grader really kept me on the right foot today.

The last thing I tell my kids when they parachute out of the car is "I love you guys, have a great day!"

What other option is there? Would you want to start your day with any other affirmation?

Maybe, "Hey, Honey! Be sure to have an utterly awful day at the office! Maybe you'll get fired today!"

Or maybe, "Hope you flunk that math test, Sweetheart! Be sure to think about me in detention today!"

No way.

Call me overly peppy today. But you can start your day at one of two places. The right side or the wrong side of the bed.

Which will you pick?

The 920 Calorie Burrito You Don't Have To Eat!

What would my Hispanic ancestors think of this--a breakfast burrito with bacon and hash browns as part of the condiments. Yes, they would probably fight a gag reflex.

But there is no doubt that the new Hardee's Country Breakfast Burrito will be filling the bellies of plenty of hungry commuters.

All 920 calories worth. OUCH! Almost a THOUSANDS CALORIES before lunch even rolls around? 60 grams of FAT? That'll keep you warm this winter. And so will all of those extra pounds.

The Food Police are, of course, already going bananas over this fatty feast. But you know what the beauty of it is? You don't HAVE to eat it!!

Yes, you can actually go for a lighter option. Or a snack. Or maybe make yourself a bowl of...GASP...Bran Flakes before you leave the house (that's what I did today and I am still a little grumpy from it).

That's why attacks on fast food are so silly. No one is forcing you to do anything. The government shouldn't force feed you this junk. But then the government shouldn't take it out of your mouth, either.

So buckle up and hit the road Breakfast Jack. There's a new burrito in town.

I'll stick to the chicken salad. Ooops! That has 83 grams of fat.

Think I'll have another bowl of bran.

Another Reason To Fear The Dentist?

Dentists have a bad reputation already for being scary people, thanks to people like me who cringe at the thought of having their teeth scrapped and their gums poked and prodded.

Now there is a dentist in Woodland, California who is taking the stereotypes and phobias to a new level.

He allegedly fondled the breasts of more than 25 female patients over the years. Get a load of this--he and his attorney are arguing that the fondling was actually a MASSAGE needed in the treatment of TMJ.

I didn't go to dental school, but something seems fishy here. Breast fondling as part of a dental procedure? Were the male patients treated this way as well? Wouldn't the women have been told this was part of the treatment ahead of time and made to sign some kind of a disclosure form before subjecting themselves to this?

One patient claims he fondled her as many as SIX times over a TWO YEAR period. Something seems fishy here, too. What woman in their right mind would let this happen over a prolonged period of time without telling someone? Didn't it seem rather BIZARRE at the time? Wouldn't YOU have gotten up off the chair and walked out, threatening a harassment report or a lawsuit?

The dentist is fighting for his practice, citing the fact that he has to feed his 7 children and pay for his defense.

Call the Whambulance.

No offense to dentists, but this sounds like the latest alibi from an excuse-happy culture.

And now if you'll excuse me. I have a urologist appointment I need to cancel.