Police Panic

My city is a police state.

There, I said it. I won't tell you where I live. I'm not THAT stupid. But I will tell you this.

The police are everywhere. And it sometimes makes me nervous.

Is that an awful thing to say? After all, these hard working men and women are doing one of the toughest jobs in the world. One that I respect, but do not envy. How many of US could do their jobs?

I blogged awhile back about getting pulled over for a California stop...rolling through a stop sign. Not RUNNING it, but ROLLING through it. More of a One-Thousand-One-And-A-Half than a full two seconds.

I also got pulled over recently for a burned out headlight (or PART of the headlight...the main light remained lit). The funny part of that was that I got pulled over in broad daylight after I turned my lights on to be a safe, responsible driver.

DOH!

Both times I got a warning from the officers.

But honest to goodness, my heart skips a beat every time I turn the corner and there is a squad car there or a motorcycle officer with radar gun in hand.

Ever have the air sucked out of your lungs when you look in the rear view mirror and see a policeman? Even when you are doing NOTHING wrong? You try to correct your driving, maybe even OVER correct your driving, even though there is nothing that you are doing that NEEDS correcting!

My city has very little crime and I really should be thanking the police for that. It may make me nervous to always see them at the intersections or in my mirror but it probably makes the REALLY bad dudes out there even MORE nervous, right?

No, I won't be making any more California stops any time soon.

Thanks to the men and women in blue. Even if they DO make me panic sometimes.

Get An Ugly Guy To Marry You

Remember the old Jimmy Soul song "If Ya Wanna Be Happy"? You may be drawing a blank until you remember the lesson is how the way to happiness is for a man to marry an ugly woman.

"From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you" goes the catchy tune. How that song ever survived the ire of the feminists is beyond me.

But the opposite phenomenon has been looked at by researchers--attractive women who marry uglier (or at least, PLAINER) men.

It turns out there may be a scientific answer for why Catherine Zeta Jones is married to Michael Douglas!!

You see, men who see themselves as more attractive than their wives tend to have (according to the study from the University of Tennessee) more disgruntled and negative feelings about marriage.

Theses men tended to offer "less emotional and practical support to their wives" according to Professor Jim McNulty.

So next time you see an attractive woman partnered up with an average or below-average looking guy, you might understand it better.

To quote the above referenced song: "Don't let your friends say you have no taste, Go ahead an marry anyway!"

Birds of the Concrete Islands

This blog entry will no doubt strike some as too metaphysical for their taste. Some might accuse me of getting too "granola crowd" on them.

But it's a risk I am willing to take and besides, people have thought far worse of me, so what the heck?

I did something new today on the way home from driving my children to school. Stuck at a red light and waiting to make a left hand turn, I glanced over at the concrete island that divided the road. It almost felt as if I was being compelled to take my eyes off the windshield and turn my glance to the median.

And what did I see? Two of the prettiest greenish brown colored birds I have ever seen. They were as tiny as finches and blended in so well into the rosemary bush they were nibbling from that it would have been easy to miss them.

The sight was literally astounding to me. Their colors were as brilliant and vivid as the scenes you see on HD televisions being demonstrated at the front of the electronics store.

The next concrete island had even more. The rosemary bushes were covered in these fascinating and beautiful creatures.

How long had they been there? How many times had I driven past them before without as much as a clue to their existence? A thousand times maybe?

Such is life itself, isn't it? We miss a thousand or more of these seemingly small wonders every day of our lives.

How many smiles from our children have we missed because we were watching the television instead of their faces? How many of us actually TASTE the food that we gobble down everyday like a chore that's reaching a deadline? Ever really feel the ground as you walk on it? Or hear the sounds just beyond the boom box by the bed?

Those glorious birds were there long before I decided to look over in their direction. But I had been too busy looking straight ahead or worrying about something insignificant or trying to balance the checkbook of my mind.

I'm glad I noticed them today. And I will look over at them again tomorrow.

And you should, too.

The birds of the Concrete Islands are wondering what has taken you so long.

A Shake That's As Rare As A Leprechaun

One of the simple treats I miss most from my childhood is the Shamrock Shake that McDonald's used to offer in the weeks leading up to St. Patrick's Day.

I can still remember how they tasted. They were simply the vanilla shakes with a bit of mint and green coloring added to them.

But if you were a kid in the 70s and 80s, it was something to look forward to.

Now, sadly, they are as rare as good service at a drive-thru, as rare as Leprechauns themselves.

You are out of luck unless you live in Ireland, where they are exclusively sold now. But I don't live in Ireland.

Apparently some rare markets still sell my childhood treasure, but none around me. I have lost 14 pounds on my diet, so I need a Shamrock Shake like I need a hole in the head. But the THOUGHT that I can't have one even if I WANTED one makes me sad.

I am not sure what makes me sadder...the fact that the McDonald's locations that I called didn't even know what I was talking about or that my children will probably never taste one.

For those of you who are nostalgic for the days before fast food felt obligated to apologize for their sinful offerings, when you went to McDonald's for the fries not the fat free dressing, spend a few minutes on Google and reminisce with old Shamrock Shake commercials from the Glory Days of the chain.

Whatever happened to the Grimace, Big Mac, Captain Crook, and the Hamburger patch?

They all died when the company streamlined the character lineup in the 80s. Actually, the Grimace lived until 2007 when he was dropped.

Somebody tell Mayor McCheese, please, to stop the insanity! To bring back the Shamrock Shake and all my favorite fast food friends!

Oh wait. He's gone, too.

Excuse Me, Officer?

It's hard to find fault with a disabled Iraq war vet's gift to his 7-year-old son.

But I will anyway.

35-year-old Jessie Vigil's gift was to paint his mustang to look like a police car. Not just any police car, but the one from the "Transformers" movie. You see, his son is a huge fan and it made the perfect surprise.

And guess what?

It isn't illegal in Las Vegas, New Mexico to make your vehicle look like a police car! Vigil even added mock (but VERY realistic looking) red and blue lights on the top of the mock squad car. He also painted "POLICE" on the white doors.

A closer inspection reveals the words "To punish and enslave" instead of "To serve and protect", but those words aren't as obvious at first glance or from a distance.

As of this writing, I have yet to hear back from my local police department on their own policy pertaining to this sort of thing. I can't imagine they would support the idea.

The argument is that so long as he isn't pretending to be a police officer, no harm is being done. Plus the local police don't drive Mustangs. Plus, the local police (as many departments do) sell their older vehicles to people without re-painting the vehicles.

But isn't this sort of deception potentially dangerous? People will, no doubt, change their driving when they see this car. Maybe in a dangerous fashion. People might even come looking for assistance. Others might do harm to the driver and passengers BECAUSE it looks like a real police car.

And what if your child sees it and asks the person for help, or puts their trust in the driver thinking they are the real deal? Imagine what a child molester could accomplish if they drove around schools and parks in what looked like a real police car!

"Hey, Johnny! Your parents were in a bad accident. Hop in the car and I will take you to them." We teach our kids to trust the police. But this would be walking right into a trap.

Should I be able to paint my car to look like an ice cream truck and drive slowly through neighborhoods? Can I make my van look like an ambulance? Is THAT ok?

I used an example of this idea a long time ago from my list of immediate things we can do to scare illegal aliens away.

I talked about how effective it would be to put fake I.C.E. and Border Patrol vehicles around hot spots for illegal alien activity. It's true! Illegals would run from these like vampires from garlic.

And my example involved the actual AGENCIES orchestrating the tactics.

Here we have a private citizen painting their car to look like a police car.

As cool as it may be for a 7-year-old to have a car that looks like the one from their favorite movie, it still shouldn't be allowed.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to fire up the Batmobile and head to work.

Magumbo's Bumbo

We just bought Baby Magumbo (one of the cute nicknames our 5-year-old gave his baby sister) the most amazing piece of baby gear we have seen in a long time. And after 6 kids, we have seen a LOT.

It's called a Bumbo and it is deliciously simple. It's a baby sitter. LITERALLY. It's a little chair made of a single piece of low density foam material that your baby (from 4 to 14 months according to the product's website) can sit in upright.

We took it to a restaurant last night and people were looking at it in amazement. No one has ever seen something like this. It looks like the kind of chair dads like sitting in during the Super Bowl! And you know what the sweetest part of it is? She LOVES it!

Babies spend a lot of time standing in activity saucers or laying in baby swings but how often do they get to sit UPRIGHT in their own little Lazy Boy style chair?

The Bumbo is made of the squishy material a lot of jungle gyms are made of these days. They come in a variety of cool colors and are easy as pie to clean. It's a parent's dream invention and one of baby's favorites so far!

The company's website is http://www.bumboshop.com/ if you are interested in checking it out. It retails for $39.99 at stores like Target and even a little less from the above link.

Trust me all you parents out there.

We may not always agree on politics and the news of the world. But believe me when I tell you this product is REALLY cool.

And even if you don't have a baby of your own, I guarantee you will be REVERED if you give one of these as a gift to someone who does! You might even earn Godparent status for a gift like this!

See? I don't complain about EVERYTHING. I do like SOME things.

I only wish they made these in my size.

No More Mr. Nice Meow

I don't really have anything against cats. Honest.

After having been a "dog "person" all my life, I ended up owning a couple of cats for awhile. They are fascinating creatures, to say the least. Yes, they cough up hairballs the size of Buicks and try to scratch your eyeballs out, but they are pretty darned cute when they hop up on your lap and curl up to spend good, quality purring time with you.

But I have always hated the fact that cats are not subject to the laws aimed at restraining dogs. A cop can write you a ticket for having your dog off of a leash, but your cat can wander the county for days on end. How is that OK?

Cats are independent! Cats are natural hunters! They need the freedom of the great outdoors!

So much for that freedom when a cat ran out in front of my car and became one with the tire. It was AWFUL. That was probably someone's pet. And they didn't have to die like that. But what do you expect when you let them roam around your neighborhood?

A Boulder, Colorado official wants to clamp down on a feline's free spirited ways by pushing an ordinance that would require cats stay INSIDE.

What's so awful about that? Our cats were strictly indoor cats and they were the happiest cats on earth. Cats don't HAVE to run free outside. They can live perfectly content lives within the confines of your house.

I hope ordinances like this gain ground all over the country. It's bad enough dodging the wild turkeys, coyotes, and jack rabbits. I don't want to have to dodge your cat as it tries to beat my car.

This doesn't even take into account that loose cats can come into your yard and do their thing. They can leave diseases that both your pets and your family can contract. They can even leave fleas for your poor dog who was just minding their own business.

Cats are fine. Just keep them inside, curled up by the fireplace. No more Mr. Nice Meow.

Fast Food...In Twenty Minutes

This is a very odd story I have to share with you. It happened to me last evening when I was out trying to get "the usual" for my 11-year-old son at Taco Bell: a plain bean and cheese burrito, an caramel apple dessert and a soda.

Easy enough, right? Well, it should have been. And usually it is.

Until I walked into the local eatery to find a dozen or so people just standing there. No one was eating. They were just standing or sitting.

The man behind the counter promptly told me that they were "a little backed up" and that it would be TWENTY MINUTES before they could assist me. HUH??

TWENTY MINUTES?? I don't think I have ever spent twenty minutes in a fast food joint, with ALL 6 kids, lingering and all, EVER!!

And they were telling me it would be twenty minutes just to be served?? Why, even without training, I could probably bang out a dozen or so soft tacos myself (after years of careful observation of workers making them).

What could possibly take them that long?? At a fast food place?? And at a Taco Bell EXPRESS on top of it all??

I didn't ask. But I certainly didn't stick around like everyone else. Not to sound elitist or anything, but I had better things to do than sit around and wait for a fast food joint to get their act together. The tacos are good. But not THAT good. I have eaten at GOURMET Mexican restaurants that serve me in less time than that.

So I left. And I fumed in the car all the way home.

I don't care if the kitchen had a fire, if an employee lost a hairpiece in the guacamole, or if Jimmy Hoffa was found in the freezer.

You don't tell customers to wait twenty stinking minutes to be served. You turn your OPEN sign to the CLOSED position, apologize generously to the customers, and close your doors until you figure out what the problem is. And then you solve it as quickly as possible before your customers decide they like the hamburgers next door better than your tacos. On top of that, I personally would have given each customer a gift certificate to come back when the situation was remedied.

But instead, they let me and others walk out. Bad idea. Bad public relations. Bad business sense.

I looked the location up in the phone book. No listing. Then at the company's corporate website. Still no location.

I started feeling like I was in a junk food Twilight Zone. What if this location existed only in the confines of my imagination? What if I was in the Matrix? What if super intelligent bugs stuck probes in my brain and the whole thing never happened?

So I called the corporate customer service number and complained. The lady was very nice and patient in hearing my story. They got my address and are mailing me a coupon for a free menu item.

They handled it the way the franchise itself SHOULD have...with humility, apologies, and an attempt to keep my business.

My family and I love Taco Bell too much to never go there again. And it doesn't make sense to punish another franchise owner for the faults of another. But one thing is for sure, I will never, EVER go back to the one I went to last night. I don't care that the next closest one is twice as far. I would drive to another county before giving them another dime of my business.

Too bad I was one of the only ones to walk out and say enough is enough. It's because of all the customers that sat and waited that this sort of thing will just keep on happening.

It may seem silly to get worked up over a two dollar fast food meal. But it's bigger than that. It's not about a free certificate being mailed out tomorrow morning.

It's about being treated with respect, courtesy, and promptness. If a business isn't willing to grant you these things, there is always somebody else who will.

At least the corporate side of things figured that out.

If Perception Is Reality, Picture Only The Best!

I've been thinking about writing a "Motivational Monday" blog entry where I pump us all up with a nice sobering cup of inspiration. We all need that once in awhile. A lot of us need it everyday.

That's why I am writing this on a Tuesday. Why wait until next Monday to write something that might change your perspective for the best?

I read an interesting story on The Consumerist website (http://www.consumerist.com/) about an informal and unscientific study that probably concluded what a more extensive and expensive "official" study would: that we see and hear and taste what we PERCEIVE we are seeing, hearing, and tasting.

Specifically, a group of people listened to several CDs on a sound system. The speakers were hooked up to those super pricey "Monster Cables" and also cheap, common wire coat hangers! That's right. COAT HANGERS.

And guess what? Nobody could tell the difference between the two. In fact, no one knew that wire coat hangers were even being used!

So why do we insist that things sound better on more expensive cables? Well, I am sure that SOME of it has to do with the better quality of a product. There is no denying that a Ferrari will handle better around the hairpin turns than, say, a Honda. It doesn't mean the Honda is junk. It clearly isn't. But the Ferrari is a finer tooled machine, hands down.

So yes, Monster Cables are probably designed better than the cheapo $5 versions you can find at any electronics store.

But that doesn't mean the average person can tell the difference.

Hey, Spencer, you might be saying. How is this motivational?

It's because of the ever important lesson and truth that perception becomes your reality.

Doctors know this when they prescribe millions of placebos every year. Think about how powerful the human mind is! BELIEVING that a pill is going to help you has been proven to ACTUALLY help you, even if the pill has no medicinal value whatsoever!

Patients BELIEVE the pill is going to aid them in their pains and discomforts and maladies. And oftentimes, it DOES! That is REAL LIFE MAGIC. The magic of the human mind.

Remember the old advertisements that claimed "A mind is a terrible thing to waste"? Well, that is true. But even more true is this: Thoughts are a terrible thing to waste.

We have literally thousands of thoughts every day. And these thoughts can make or break our day. REALLY!

What are YOU thinking about right now?

Are you worrying about being late with the rent AGAIN?

Or that gas is darned near $4 a gallon and you could barely afford gas when it was $3 a gallon?

Are you thinking about that mountain of paperwork you keep bringing home because you never seem to have enough time to get your work done at the office?

Or maybe you are looking at your beautiful baby and already worrying about what colleges will cost in the year 2026.

Count how many times you worry in a day. Ever find yourself worrying about something and then you don't even remember what you were worrying ABOUT??

What a WASTE of thoughts!! Think of all the fantastic and positive and motivating and productive thoughts you COULD have had all day long!

People hear better quality music when using better quality cables MAINLY because--and this is just my theory based on common sense, experiments like the one above, and just day to day living--they EXPECT to hear better quality sound.

The same way my kids think the pizza tastes better if we order out rather than bake our own. I have found that generic pop tarts are just as yummy to them so long as they don't see the wrappers.

So if you are going to expect anything, why not expect the BEST! Why would you ever choose to anything less?

This method doesn't guarantee that everything will smell like roses for you. But thinking negatively almost NEVER produces positive results. How could it?

Just like the athlete pictures only success and victory, so should you. Any noteworthy athlete will tell you that they swung those golf clubs or baseball bats a thousand times in their mind's eye before they ever did it for real.

Picture everything today being Monster Cable quality and see if you don't have a better day than if you didn't.