Haste Makes Waste...So SLOW DOWN!

Even a positive thinking person such as myself falls prey to Murphy's Law and the occasional snowballing of unfortunate instances.

This morning was fairly chaotic to say the least.

My usual routine involves making breakfast for the kids and getting them off to school. No problem, right?

Right.

USUALLY.

But have you ever noted that when you kind of slide out of bed and make your first series of mistakes, the mistakes just keep on coming!

This is NOT a coincidence! There really is something to the self fulfilling prophecies that are present in our lives. And we are usually to blame for them. All of us have shouted at some point "I am having an AWFUL day! It just keeps getting worse!" Yep.

Our ATTITUDE is to blame for most of this. A positive attitude might not always bring you good fortune in your day. But a negative attitude guarantees you will see faults and failure in everything.

For example, today I had a 15 minute span that was misfortune right out of a Charlie Chaplin movie. It had everything but staccato piano rifts in the background!

Again, I couldn't find the car keys. I looked EVERYWHERE!

Everywhere that is except the front door lock. I had turned the keys from the outside when I ran back inside and left them there. It was only a momentary distraction but enough of one for the memory of my keys to vanish from my crazy brain.

The key lesson here, no pun intended, is don't panic. Sometimes the keys are in the most obvious place--in the keyhole!

Ever notice how when you try to RUSH through traffic, you are almost guaranteeing that you won't make it on time?

You say things like "I can't be late! I can't miss this meeting!"

Well, guess what? Research suggests that our mind filters out the CAN'T part and only picks up on "Be late!" or "Miss this meeting!" It's true! We tend to focus on the things we DON'T want in life instead of the things we DO want! We say "I can't afford to be sick!" or "Don't break that vase!" Instead we should say "I am healthy and just getting healthier!" or "Be careful with that vase, OK?"

Haven't you noticed that you ALWAYS hit the red lights when you are in the biggest hurry? When you are calm and collected, the green lights come to you like excuses to a politician. They are everywhere!

Haste truly does make waste. It's not just a silly old saying that the older generations taught us. It's completely true.

So take a load off. Get to where you need to go today with a smile on your face. Ease up on the steering wheel AND yourself. Breathe.

And marvel at all the green lights!

Cereal Killers: Or Spencer's Nostalgic Moment #682

I must be getting old because I can't go a day without something making me nostalgic.

It could be a song or a sound or a smell. But it can instantly shoot me back to my childhood. And my childhood was a pretty happy place to be.

Recently as I pushed my shopping cart up and down the aisles of one of my favorite stores that will remain nameless (Target), I stopped and scanned the cereal aisle.

And yes, I became nostalgic. Right there in front of the discounted box of granola. It was pretty pathetic, I have to admit.

Remember the days when kiddie cereal had toys in them? I mean IN the boxes? The toys weren't fancy or expensive, but they were treasures to be mined at the bottom of a box of Frosted Flakes.

You can still get the toys, but now you have to send a zillion proofs of purchase and money. And they don't have the same charm as they used to.

Once in a while you still find a toy packaged in the cereal box, but incidents like the mercury-in-the-battery scare from a few years ago probably have scared most of the manufacturers off. Who wants to risk a lawsuit if a dopey child reaches in and swallows a decoder ring?

Who could forget the excitement of sticking your whole forearm into a freshly opened box of cereal? Remember when you pulled your arm out and it--and the toy--smelled like your favorite sugary delight?

Kids are missing out on so many things. The saddest part is that most of them don't even realize it. These simple joys don't seem to be enough for today's kids. They would rather play with something that takes 400 batteries. Or better yet, something that runs on rocket fuel.

And now if you'll excuse me. There is a bowl full of Smurf Berry Crunch waiting for me in the kitchen of my mind.

Excuses, Excuses

The first principle of success, as set forth by Jack Canfield and other pioneers of the motivational-living crowd, is to take full, 100% responsibility for everything that happens to you in life. From the friends you have to the money in your wallet. Everything happens as a result of decisions you have made in your life up to this point.

That is why it is so important to take TODAY by the horns and realize that what happens NOW will shape your TOMORROWS for years to come. And your life today is what you have made of it in years past.

But how can some people get to this moment of clarity when they will make excuses for the most heinous of actions?

Just when you think you have heard the "best" of the worst excuses, there's always another one to shock and dismay.

A 20-year-old man pleaded guilty last week to assaulting his girlfriend's 2-year-old boy. He admits kicking him out of the way and then squeezing his face. Can you IMAGINE this?

While your mind is still trying to process the horrors of this act, let's take a look at the EXCUSE this beast came up with.

He's not a morning person.

Don't laugh. That's what he told the judge. He's not a morning person.

The child had bleeding near the brain, and his perpetrator can only say he is not a morning person?

The judge ordered psychological evaluations for Juan Arreola. He could possibly get more than 20 years in prison for what he did.

It doesn't look like Juan is ready to get past that first principle of success, taking 100% responsibility for our lives.

If justice prevails, Juan Arreola will be a much older man before he ever gets the chance to lurk in society again.

That would be the best and boldest cup of reality for a non-morning person to gulp.

Help! My Baby Destroyed My Fun!!

The love of my life and I are eagerly waiting the birth of our precious baby girl. We can't wait to hold her for the first time and see with our own eyes the miracle we helped to create.

We are not the least bit concerned about what our daughter will do to our social life. Why would we care? Especially after 6 children between us?

Well, a new British study (aren't they all...when was the last good study out of Norway?) finds that 2/3 of mothers claim that having a baby all but destroyed their social life. The ladies studied also resent their partners for continuing to hang out with friends just as they had before the birth.

I am no expert. But after several children, I certainly have a few opinions and thoughts I will share with you.

Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. You will never look, feel, taste, smell, hear anything in the same way every again.

You will see that harmless lost Lego as a potential choking risk.

You will be awakened by the simplest change in the sounds of your child's breathing.

You will brave the thickest jungles of uncertainty after you survive your first messy diaper.

You will realize that a parental instinct will kick in (or SHOULD kick in) that would allow you to disembowel a 50 foot giant if any harm came upon your little one.

And yes, you will notice a change in your social life. No doubt about it. Things will never be quite the same again in terms of your "hanging out" lifestyle.

BUT...this is not a negative thing. So don't let it become one!

You learn that your child becomes the most important and special thing in your life. Those Tuesday bowling nights with the guys and your weekends of fun with the girls SHOULDN'T be as important to you after the miracle of a child!

You just adapt. I don't mean to be too harsh, but I think the women who are affected the most are the ones who can't get past the fact that they are not 16 year-old social magnets anymore. So what? Do you really WANT to be? That's fun when you are young and stupid, but come on! There comes a time when nursing your child to sleep should take the front seat to a fruity microbrew at the local pub.

You might notice that your single friends or friends without kids might slip out of the picture for a while. Maybe forever. It's sad when this happens, but the pressure should be on them to adapt to YOU, not the other way around. They shouldn't expect you to be able to take off on a minute's notice and head for the mountains. Life gets more complicated, but it's a GOOD kind of complication.

You might start hanging out with other new parents, too. The more, the merrier! There is nothing wrong with socializing with people who share such an important thing in common with you! Plus, this makes for a nice mutual support group (Did Janie get sick too today when she ate the fleas off of FiFi's back?).

So if you aren't ready for these radical life changes, you might want to reconsider having kids. They WILL change everything. No more movies whenever you want. No more fancy restaurants as often as you used to go to them. A night at the opera might be replaced with a day at the zoo. But so what? THE BARBER OF SEVILLE is awesome, but so is watching a gorilla stare you down and scratch its chin.

And there's always grandparents, friends, and neighbors who could make great baby-sitters when you find the urge to bowl with Len or sip a cold one with Vickie gets too overwhelming.

As for the guys bolting on the ladies and having fun as usual while their better halves stay home with the responsibility? That is inexcusable! Shame on the men who do this. It doesn't even occur to me to do this. I WANT to come home and have fun with my family.

Bowling can wait. And there are only so many fruity microbrews a guy can drink before people begin to talk.

So suck in your gut and realize you are a parent first and homecoming queen or kind second. Grow up! Life changes! You just had a BABY! Smile! Enjoy every beautiful moment of it!

And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go clean up some spilled fruit punch and pick up dirty Sponge Bob undies.

Have A Nice Day!

It's funny how the little things can really make your day.

As I dropped two of my boys off at school today, a young girl who was volunteering as "loop" monitor (any parent dreads the very idea of getting into this serpentine line of coffee deprived parents dropping and picking their kids up at school) told me to "Have a nice day, sir!" as she closed the car doors.

Wow! This simple little sentence combined with the smile of a happy 3rd grader really kept me on the right foot today.

The last thing I tell my kids when they parachute out of the car is "I love you guys, have a great day!"

What other option is there? Would you want to start your day with any other affirmation?

Maybe, "Hey, Honey! Be sure to have an utterly awful day at the office! Maybe you'll get fired today!"

Or maybe, "Hope you flunk that math test, Sweetheart! Be sure to think about me in detention today!"

No way.

Call me overly peppy today. But you can start your day at one of two places. The right side or the wrong side of the bed.

Which will you pick?

The 920 Calorie Burrito You Don't Have To Eat!

What would my Hispanic ancestors think of this--a breakfast burrito with bacon and hash browns as part of the condiments. Yes, they would probably fight a gag reflex.

But there is no doubt that the new Hardee's Country Breakfast Burrito will be filling the bellies of plenty of hungry commuters.

All 920 calories worth. OUCH! Almost a THOUSANDS CALORIES before lunch even rolls around? 60 grams of FAT? That'll keep you warm this winter. And so will all of those extra pounds.

The Food Police are, of course, already going bananas over this fatty feast. But you know what the beauty of it is? You don't HAVE to eat it!!

Yes, you can actually go for a lighter option. Or a snack. Or maybe make yourself a bowl of...GASP...Bran Flakes before you leave the house (that's what I did today and I am still a little grumpy from it).

That's why attacks on fast food are so silly. No one is forcing you to do anything. The government shouldn't force feed you this junk. But then the government shouldn't take it out of your mouth, either.

So buckle up and hit the road Breakfast Jack. There's a new burrito in town.

I'll stick to the chicken salad. Ooops! That has 83 grams of fat.

Think I'll have another bowl of bran.

Another Reason To Fear The Dentist?

Dentists have a bad reputation already for being scary people, thanks to people like me who cringe at the thought of having their teeth scrapped and their gums poked and prodded.

Now there is a dentist in Woodland, California who is taking the stereotypes and phobias to a new level.

He allegedly fondled the breasts of more than 25 female patients over the years. Get a load of this--he and his attorney are arguing that the fondling was actually a MASSAGE needed in the treatment of TMJ.

I didn't go to dental school, but something seems fishy here. Breast fondling as part of a dental procedure? Were the male patients treated this way as well? Wouldn't the women have been told this was part of the treatment ahead of time and made to sign some kind of a disclosure form before subjecting themselves to this?

One patient claims he fondled her as many as SIX times over a TWO YEAR period. Something seems fishy here, too. What woman in their right mind would let this happen over a prolonged period of time without telling someone? Didn't it seem rather BIZARRE at the time? Wouldn't YOU have gotten up off the chair and walked out, threatening a harassment report or a lawsuit?

The dentist is fighting for his practice, citing the fact that he has to feed his 7 children and pay for his defense.

Call the Whambulance.

No offense to dentists, but this sounds like the latest alibi from an excuse-happy culture.

And now if you'll excuse me. I have a urologist appointment I need to cancel.

Look, Listen, & Learn

A high school student once again went bananas and shot up classmates and teachers yesterday, this time at an alternative high school in Cleveland.

He shot and wounded four people before turning the gun on himself.

What a tragedy. But not a tragedy without ample warning.

According to students, the shooter had talked about shooting students and even blowing up the school. But no one seemed to take him seriously. Some worried students claim the principal was too busy to listen to their concerns.

The student allegedly had a long history of mental problems. He tormented teachers and bickered with students. He was suspended just this past Monday for fighting with a student.

He dressed in a black trench coat, dog collar, and chains. Something only the most permissive of parents would let their child go dressed to school in. But we dare not interfere with our child's self expression.

At the time of the shooting, he apparently was wearing a Marilyn Manson t-shirt and black finger nail polish.

He spent time in two juvenile detention centers, once for slapping his own mother and calling her vulgar names.

He threatened to commit suicide.

He was suspended last year for attempting to hurt a student.

He cussed out his teachers.

He recently told other students that there was no God. That Marilyn Manson was God.

Is it fair in this day and age of political correctness to accurately label this kid a "problem child"?

There were possibly more warning signs with Coon than with several of the most recent school shooters put together.

But not enough people listened apparently.

What on EARTH was this kid doing in the same classroom with any other student, alternative school or not? Would you want YOUR child working, playing, and spending the day with someone like this?

I hate to break it down to such a simplistic answer, but this is what the permissiveness of our society has reaped.

The cold, hard truth is that this kid shouldn't have been in a school of technology and entrepreneurship. The system was clearly trying to mainstream a student that never was able to live in the same world with the rest of us. He should have been committed for the long haul and given the treatment that he obviously needed.

The only bright spot in this chaos is that the only one dead right now is the killer himself. That doesn't happen often in school shooting incidents.

Next time, we might not be so lucky.

But we do need to realize there WILL be a next time. That is why it is so important that adults stop today and look in the mirror and do three things--look, listen, and learn.

And for God's sake, don't just sit there. Do something.

You're Welcome

Whatever happened to people saying "you're welcome"? Do YOU hear it that much anymore? I sure don't.

The cool catch phrase that is as ubiquitous as clueless drivers is "no problem". Everybody says it. Not just the young, hip kids either.

I don't know exactly when everything became a non-problem, but I don't like it. Why should that be the response when I thank a store employee who points me in the direction of drill bits? Why WOULD it be a "problem" that I am asking them for directions?

"I appreciate your help!" No problem!

"May I have more ice tea, please?" No problem!

How about a polite "you're welcome" instead?

Short blog. Big pet peeve.

I feel better now.

Not that there's a problem or anything.

Liberal Lucidity

Some of you might be wondering how I could have possibly used "liberal" and "lucidity" in the same sentence as the title for this entry.

Hey, Spence! You meant "stupidity", right? Did you really mean LUCIDITY? As in "clarity, especially mental clarity"?

Yes, I did. Let's be fair here. Even ultra-liberal San Franciscans can attain a level of lucidity that might seem unimaginable to even themselves.

Case in point--the homeless problem in the City By the Bay.

Even as a child, I remember the urine soaked stairs I used to navigate with my mother just to get to school. The endless hands reaching out for money. The collective breath holding that everyone would do on the bus whenever a homeless person got too close.

And it isn't a distant memory, either. It's gotten worse over the years. The prevelance of the homeless and the panhandlers is one of the reasons I don't visit San Francisco more often. They are EVERYWHERE. Former Mayor Frank Jordan tried years ago to combat the problem, but was seen as mean spirited. Many argue his tactics cost him re-election in the City of Eternal Compassion.

But this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone. Like illegal aliens, San Francisco has catered to the homeless for years. And now they wonder why the problem has spiraled out of control.

What IS a surprise is that more and more San Franciscans--even self proclaimed lefties--are waking up to reality and realizing they are FED UP with the bums, the panhandlers, and the drug pushers. They want their city back.

In a previous blog, I chronicled the epidemic of needles that are turning up in once family friendly places like Golden Gate Park.

One father describes how he finally reached critical mass when his wife and kids came back from the park and saw a man "throwing up on himself" on the corner by their home.

A statistical analyst says "People are just p----d. For the first time, even the left is saying they've had enough."

Maybe there IS something to the saying that a conservative is a liberal that was mugged yesterday.

Maybe the people who really need to wake up WILL wake up to things like this.

And to things like 9-11, Islamic extremism, and illegal immigration.

If San Francisco lefties can have a moment of liberal lucidity over the homeless epidemic, anything is possible.

Classroom Chaos

Remember the old days when the worst thing a student would do when a teacher left the room was shoot a spit ball or talk up a storm?

Maybe the more severe cases of rule breaking involved swapping test answers or mild profanity.

There is a case in Ford Bend County, Texas that shows just how far we have fallen down the proverbial slippery slope.

Imagine getting a letter from the principal of your child's school informing you that two 8th graders were performing a sexual act in front of the rest of the class.

In the past, the anger would have rightfully been directed at the STUDENTS. But not today.

Nope. We blame the teacher for leaving the kids unsupervised. Some parents are shocked at the lack of supervision, seemingly MORE than the lack of dignity and respect on the part of the students involved.

Sure, kids need to be supervised. And no one is suggesting that the inmates run the asylum. But shouldn't a teacher be able to step away WITHOUT having to worry that their students are going to perform lewd acts in fron of the class?

Is it ok to run a redlight, so long as there are no cops or cameras nearby? Is it ok to cheat on your spouse the minute they walk out the door for work? Is it ok to steal a diamond just because the jeweler turned their head from distraction?

Of course not.

But I guess kids will be kids, right? I guess kids can't control their animalistic impulses. And the adults should know better, not the kids themselves.

I put the blame on the students involved in this incident. The school says both the male and the female student involved have been disciplined. Nothing short of expulsion should be the threat hanging over the heads of hormone raging teens.

But what about the parents? Aren't they liable to some degree? Does a child who is raised right do things like this? Where did they learn this? And why weren't their own parents paying attention to the warning signs that more than likely existed well before this incident?

Bring back the days of spit balls and the more harmless horsing around we grew up with. They sure beat the anarchy and insanity that can crop up in our schools today.

Busted By The Fuzz

I got pulled over yesterday.

Yeah, you heard it here first. No point in waiting for the tabloids to make something more of it than it was.

I rolled through a stop sign. Not that there is ever an excuse for this, but there were NO pedestrians or cars anywhere to be found. It's a new neighborhood and most of the stop signs aren't even in yet. Plus I was a man on a mission. Again, no excuses. I did something wrong.

So there I was, rolling through the stop sign when a local law man pulls me over. I saw him even as the momentum was pulling me out of my right hand turn.

I did what I have done in the past (the few times I have been pulled over anyway). I actually did the pulling over FOR him. I knew he was coming after me, so I spared him any hardship (although he still felt the need to flash his lights at me).

It was your classic California stop. Not quite RUNNING the stop sign, but not quite stopping either.

"Why did you do that, Sir?" the officer asked.

And I told him the truth. I was in a hurry to get home because my Better Half was having contractions 5 minutes apart and I wanted to get her to the hospital if needed. I was cutting corners to shave off time. I didn't want to jeopardize her safety or miss the birth of my daughter.

There. It WAS the truth.

And he gave me a break. A BIG one. The last thing I need right now is a ticket.

Although I now feel kind of guilty that he DIDN'T give me a ticket. I never asked him not to. He listened to my answer and decided he would let me off with a warning. I didn't deserve it, but I got the break anyway.

Now I am stopping a full second beyond what is required at EVERY STOP SIGN. I'm like the smoker who ALMOST had a heart attack. I felt I was given a new chance at life, in a small kind of a way.

Luckily he didn't see the 27 illegal aliens in the trunk and the meth lab under the hood. Not to mention Michael Vick and the pack of neighborhood dogs in the backseat, none of them wearing seat belts. And was that Larry Craig in the front seat with me?

Just kidding.

There were only 24 illegals.

Happy Birthday Atari 2600!

It's hard to believe that the classic Mother of all gaming consoles, the Atari 2600, turns 30 years old this month.

That REALLY makes me feel old. I can still remember the excitement of opening up that huge box back in 1977. It must have been a Christmas present that year. And it was so amazing. And at $200, that was a lot of money in those days. Thanks Mom & Dad for splurging on me like that.

Those were the days of simple graphics and unparralled gameplay. Games didn't have to have photo realistic graphics or need sex or violence or hype to sell. We didn't KNOW games would look so real someday and we didn't CARE.

You had Donkey Kong and Pong. Pitfall and Adventure. Even games as AWFUL as E.T. had their fair share of charm.

As I write this I can hear all the sound effects and digitized music. Kids hate that stuff today.

But anyone who owned an Atari 2600 knows that home console gaming all really began with that boxy classic that still provides hours of fun and nostalgia.

It's sad that for kids today, nostalgia is what you feel for the album or game or television show that came out last month. There is no sense of continuity anymore. Anything more than a year old is too old to enjoy. Everything has to be NEW and NOW.

Kids look at those old graphics and awful sounds and think "CHEESY" is the only word that comes to mind.

But kids had imaginations back then. Video games didn't suck the life out of you the way they can today. A kid today can't even UNDERSTAND how you could take a tiny white triangle in the middle of your television and "make believe" that it was a rocket blasting apart asteroids in deep space.

Those were the days before we even knew Mario had a brother. And back then he was a carpenter, not a plumber.

Games weren't anti-social. Families played them together and every game was rated acceptable for EVERYONE (if ratings had existed then). There was no need for "Rated M" games because it never occured to anyone to make a game where you kill police officers or punch innocent people in the face.

Young gamers should bow down to the black monolith born in the bowels of Silicon Valley 30 years ago.

Their XBox 360 and Wii wouldn't exist without it.

Where's The Treat In This Trick?

We made our first family trip to the local pumpkin patch this season and Fall was definitely in the air. I love this time of year and it is so fun to see the scarecrows and the autumnal colors dotting the landscape.

But yet another childhood tradition that you and I most likely grew up with is disappearing for the youngsters today--wearing your costume to school on Halloween.

Remember those days? I can see and smell and taste and feel every second of those marvelous days of wonder. And who could forget the old fashioned Cooper Costumes. There were a million different characters but they all had the nostalgic "rubber band" holding the mask to our gleeful faces and the smell of the plastic had the power to repulse or inspire depending on your age.

I fondly remember bobbing for apples and having the school gym converted into a spooky haunted house. I can still see those lockers looking like caskets peeking out from behind all that dried ice!

Looking at the school materials my children have brought home this year, it looks like Halloween costumes are NOT permitted. But the kids can wear free dress.

Oh boy. Yippie. So cool.

So LAME.

Why do we keep stripping our children of everything fun from these character and life shaping years?

I bet there are many factors at work here.

Kids will be too scared by some costumes. Some kids can't afford cool costumes, and less fortunate kids will have their self esteem destroyed.

Perverts. Columbine. Terrorism. Heat stroke. Allergies to latex, makeup or fake blood.

Whatever the excuses, I am not buying ANY of them.

Thank God the pumpkin patch still had the petting zoo and the train and the pony rides.

But for goodness sakes, let the kids wear their costumes to school for Halloween. Let's not forget to sprinkle some treats along the road of tricks that children have to traverse in today's sanitized America.